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Archive for September, 2008

Sep 23 2008

Brett Farve’s Pants

Published by mattyo51 under sports Edit This

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Recently I discovered that I hate Brett Favre. Many people across the country no doubt were tired of turning on Sports Center and hearing about nothing except the Favre - Packer saga. This didn’t bother me in the slightest. Others were disgusted time and time again when Brett put on a Meryl Streep like sob-fest at the end of every NFL Season while he debated retirement for what seemed like the past decade. Again I had no issue. Still others are bothered by the verbal tongue bath every major sportscaster bestows upon him every time number 4 is mentioned. Again, I remained unfazed.

What is it?; you may ask yourself, that could possibly bother me about Brett Favre, if all these other things merely roll off my shoulders. If you guessed his choice in pants, you guessed right. I don’t know what’s worse; the fact that he pretends Wrangler is a good product and worthy of being worn by a multi-millionaire, or the advertisements themselves.

Allow us to begin with the product. I’ve worn Wrangler Jeans. When I was wee-lad my mother would religiously pass by the Levi’s section in the mall and head straight across the street for K-Mart. She would attempt to stuff my chubby butt and thighs into the most rigid, unyielding fabric ever discovered by man; the Wrangler Jean. Prior to the discovery of Kevlar, U.S. troops were actually wrapped head to toe in the jean product as it was thought no bullet could penetrate. These pants however, may have made some headway in the world of comfort because God himself knows they couldn’t have got any worse, so for arguments sake I will move on.

My hatred of Brett Favre is moved evermore forward by the actual advertisement of this product, in which Brett so proudly boasts. In case you somehow missed these ads, Favre is always shown throwing a football and moving freely in his apparently comfortable apparel. In his most recent ad however, he has crossed the line. The ad depicts a pick-up football game that Favre is quarterbacking with 12 or so other people. Seems harmless, but here’s the rub; they’re all wearing freak’n blue jeans. Yes jeans. I challenge you to find me one pick-up football game in the history of the world where more than three, let alone all the participants were decked out in dungaree.

I can’t stand it. It’s a terrible product, and an even worse add. I would rather have my eyelids tooth-picked open and be forced to watch Rosie O’Donnell power-sand a deck, while Whoopi Goldberg and Ted Danson celebrate for her, mid coitus. It’s not bad enough we have to watch him throw interception as often as touchdowns, or watch Madden salivate whenever he glances at his newest game cover, but now he has to contribute to the already immense problem of false and crappy advertising. If none of what I have said agrees with you, than I urge you to wear a pair of Wrangler’s while watching that add, and please let me know how satisfying it can be.

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